Post by Flames GM (Beamer) on Oct 8, 2019 12:13:02 GMT -6
Beamer - Welcome all to the interview we've all been waiting for....Andrew "Gino Odjick was the greatest Canuck ever" Gameface.. welcome to you and your massive opinion and chatter Mr.Gameface. Question 1, how do you see your Glorious Buffalo Sabres doing this year in SCD?
Gameface - haha, no no no no no Beamie Baby. Prod day, swamped, listen, i love eating princesses but I have no time to eat you right now, come back at 4 p.m.
Beamer - Np... Take your time. Lord knows you need to have an appetizer before tackling this. Reply when able to.
Gameface - I always take my time! It's mine! Also, just wrapping up work here, heading home in a minute then will get to you.
Bamer - (Agonizing minutes of waiting.....)
ok, I'm here. Let's get this over with. I can't say im focused on detroit anymore because were facing the panthers. But, fine, ill answer. Lemma scroll up, don't touch anything.
I'll ackowledge my answer is finished with a #KiprusoffWasASieve
Beamie Baby. Hello. You look…comfortable. I’d say it’s a pleasure to hear from you, but everyone knows that would be an outright lie. I trust you’ve handed your traditional post over to a responsible enough villain to guard hell while your attention is focused on me. Your oral diarrhea has managed to blurt an especially heaping pile of nonsense for me to unpack here. It’s clearly my duty in the name of cordiality to humour your adorable efforts with a response seeing as how you are, as Michael Che would put it, very strong. Your statement that Gino Odjick was the greatest Canuck ever is accurate, depending on what question is being asked. It’s like when the world comes to the natural and unanimously held conclusion that Alberta is just the worst while acknowledging there are likely some merits to living there rather than Chernobyl.
For example, was Gino the greatest at scoring goals? No he was not. Was he the greatest skater in the team’s illustrious and storied history? No he was not. Was he the greatest at lighting a fire under his team’s ass and motivating his home crowd onto its feet for a much needed momentum swing or morale boost? Absolutely he was. Was he the greatest at ensuring the Canucks’ fleet footed, nimble legged, narrow shouldered star players felt comfortable and safe winkling into the opposing zone slickly during a time in which skill players were frequently targeted by massive, bruising, toned and honed proud goons? Absolutely he was.
Now, to be fair, we have to at least mention that nobody was more adept at dirty ass chicken wings and flying elbows than Bure and he used those elbows extremely deftly to make would-be-hitters think twice, but he could only get away with that because if any asshole ever called him out on it, Gino would skate onto the ice like a fucking coked out wildebeest and everything would go beautifully mental in an instant.
When I was a kid, there was nothing cooler than being at GM place after Gino had been sent off and the videotron would zoom in on his face, he’d stick his tongue out while simultaneously clenching his toothless gums and every single god damn fan in the place, even the grandmothers who were babysitting and didn’t understand what was going on or why they were there, would chant Gino over and over. So many high fives. Bure’s goals were exciting, but his most amazing highlight dangles did not elicit anything close to as passionate a response as a routine Gino Unhinged moment would unleash in the hearts of every fan within screaming distance.
He’s the face I remember when I think back on hockey games as a kid. He’s also just a damn cool guy. He does motivational talks to First Nations communities around here and by all accounts he’s aged extremely well and his legend has held up, impressive considering the health scare.
What he did on The Ice is why I wear his jersey and will always wear his jersey. It's the only jersey I'll ever wear. I'll buy others to display them on the wall et al. But his name is the only one worthy of being on my back. What he did post-career and what he's doing now is why if the baby currently swimming around in Maggie's immaculate tummy is a boy, his name will be Gino. Mad respect for that man.
Trevor Linden is probably the most all around best Canuck, hence he’s literally Captain Canuck, but Gino is why I’m a Canucks fan. He was the birth of a glorious reputation we used to feast on. We used to be bigger and meaner and snarlier than the other team. I am very happy to see they’re finally going back to that style after so many bleak years away from it, going after guys like Ferland, Rousell and the other broad shouldered hitters they’ve brought in. It's an exciting direction theyre headed in because they plan to win and they plan to win the way they used to, which is really just the best way to do anything, sheer brute masculinity.
Now, you’ve also asked me how I think I’ll do this year, which is a question I’ll answer with another question. Are you a smart guy? You think so, right? So, we don’t win what happens? I’m the damn owner of the team Beams. What do you want me to say, we’re going to lose?
I'm the man who put this Fantasy Hockey team together. We're all playing a game where the only objective is to win each week. I’m the man who put these guys on this team because I thought each of those guys would help me beat the guys everyone else put on their fantasy hockey team. What do you think, I’m some sort of mole, a double agent hired by some other owner here to help their chances?
You play to win the game Beamer. YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. And, that’s what we’re going to do here in Buffalo. Win the damn game. Otherwise, why the fuck would we be playing? Every minute, every damn second spent on making this team better, moving guys around, googling foreign names and sweating through negotiations, those are all moments we could be spending canoodling with our big titted, jiggly assed, wide hipped girlfriends and wives.
YOU DON’T THINK WE WANT TO DO THAT?! Of course we do, but that’s the sacrifice you make to achieve greatness and greatness is the only acceptable outcome when you pull on the Sabre Gold and Blue. Settling for close, or almost good enough, is something people who leave their gamefaces at home do. Hoping and wishing and praying in lieu of achieving is how Albertans live their lives. I'm not Albertan and I cant leave my gameface at home because I never fucking take it off. That leaves only one outcome left.
That'll do for that one, im distracted watching Jenner NOT FUCKING HIT GUYS WHEN I NEED HIM TO, so #KiprusoffWasASieve
While you nap. i'll take a smoke break..
Beamer - I'm glad it's an easy interview...I figure I could pose a question to you, go eat dinner, chat with the Mrs., watch the paid off media debate, and then come back and seeing you still typing. I must say, I sure know that you're consistent. Question 2. Who's your picks for finalists in both SCD and IRL NHL? I'm gonna play street hockey with the kids while you vent out a well scripted response....
Gameface - Ah, good, she's a phenomenal woman and it's perplexing beyond all reason that she settled for the likes of you. My pick for SCD finalists is Buffalo and I don't give a fuck. Whoever it is, they'll be toast. I'll need to stop by your incredibly gracious and immaculately graceful mother's house for some fresh blueberry jam to help make the roster I'm facing delicious. Maybe stop by an authentic Amish farm for some freshly churned butter. Gimme Vancouver and Boston IRL and let me assure you, win or lose, we're going to light EVERYTHING on fire when it's over. I'll go for the Flames winning the Lafreniere sweepstakes and root for him to bust beyond belief and be checking my kids lift tickets within five years. #KiprusoffWasASieve
Beamer - Yah, that went the way I thought it would.. You still haven't surprised me with any earth shattering news yet....keep trying, I'm rooting for you. Question 3. Which rink in Vancouver was the better rink to watch a game in...the Pacific Coliseum or The Roger's Arena?
Gameface - It's pronounced GM PLace and again, the question is ludicrously poorly worded because it's meaningless. GM Place, which uneducated Albertan assholes apparently refer to as The Pacific Coliseum, was home to better Canucks teams than Rogers. So, if some super hot voluptious genie shows up in front of me and after taking me to pleasure town tells me i can wish to watch a game in either of those places, I'll take the 1995 Canucks. If, after beautifully handling my swollen member orally, she looks up, wipes off her face, and says no no, you can pick any team to watch in either arena, Then I'll go with Rogers because it's newer and younger and prettier. But then i'll be super pissed at myself for not thinking about beer costs before chalking it up to being distracted by how fucking hot that sex crazed genie was. #KiprusoffWasASieve
Beamer inserts a screenshot from Google showing the name of the Canucks home rink ....Rogers Arena....
Gameface - yes, rogers is rogers, pacific coliseum is gm place.
Wait, we're both wrong : Rogers Arena[6] is an indoor sports arena located at 800 Griffiths Way in the downtown area of Vancouver, British Columbia. Opened in 1995, the arena was known as General Motors Place (GM Place) from its opening until July 6, 2010, when General Motors Canada ended its naming rights sponsorship and a new agreement for those rights was reached with Rogers Communications. Rogers Arena was built to replace Pacific Coliseum as Vancouver's primary indoor sports facility and in part due to the National Basketball Association's 1995 expansion into Canada, when Vancouver and Toronto were given expansion teams.
Wait, no no, im totally right, iunno the world is confusing. GM PLace wins and I wouldnt mind banging a genie.
Beamer - Ahem...(inserted Google image that clearly state the rink name) a few posts back before more responses from Mr.Gameface......seems he's confused and bewildered...he's not as advertised...and no I'm not wrong...Google is never wrong and I nailed it.....Rogers Arena is what it's called....you just can't admit that you're wrong and to a GLOURIOUS ALBERTAN no doubt. Question 4....(provided to me by a fellow GM)...Can you stick your fist into your mouth?...and no it's not meant to be done in any sexual connotation....
Gameface - No no, it's GM Place. YOU'RE WRONG! It's called Rogers now because the car industry plummeted during The Great Recession. How dare you be insensitive to the plight of the common blue collar man, though i can't say I'm surprised by your cavalier elitist attitude. I can't come close to putting my fist in my mouth. That doesnt seem like a thing people can do. Riley Steele maybe could, I definitely cannot.
Ohh i see, i called the pacific coliseum gm place, not rogers, FINE! Corrupt gotcha media beamer wins that one. Biased FAKE NEWS! That's a clown question. A CLOWN QUESTION.
Beamer - You ain't no Bryce Harper Andrew Clownface....You should be in this political debate on t.v.....I think you'd fare better than a few speakers....although if it were a drinking and I counted every time you blamed Canucks lack of success on Kiprusoff, I'd be dead of alcohol poisoning....so I'm thankful you're our beloved Sabres GM. I'm also glad and thank God you're not Riley Steele...my visits to pornhub would be ruined if you were her. Last question... How does the internet work Be descriptive in your answer....
Gameface - HA! Colour me impressed for getting the reference. I'm going to smoke now and answer your question AT MY LEISURE.
No one is watching the debate because the leafs are playing and The Mighty Boone is making me pull my fucking hair out with his apparent sudden unwillingness to hit ANYBODY. I know who I'm voting for already and nothing any of the leaders say will change my mind, on anything. The Internet exists because Al Gore invented it to cure global warming. I don't like it. It's terrifying. Too many people younger than me turned weird because of it and that's created weird problems. The japanese government had to hire sex therapists because all the dudes in the country got so addicted to cartoon porn that they'd lost all interest in actual real life women, population plumetted, countries need people and you cant make babies with cartoons, put that on a bumper sticker. I'm not a Riley Steele fan, she's too small, I'm just saying she's extremely talented so if anyone can put their fist in their mouth, she can, i still doubt anyone can though, seems unrealistic.
I'm thankful for St louis scoring on Freddie and allowing me to switch over to the blue jakcets game, but im not thankful for the fact that the blue jackets game is doing nothing, NOTHING, for me. Atkinson had a nice power play goal but he's a damn panther. Emotional god damned rollercoaster. #KiprusoffWasASieve
Beamer - No worries about answering at your leisure....I'll be posting this interview at my leisure....probably after I review a few Tweets and maybe play a few rounds in my TFEW game. I agree that Al Gore is the reason the internet is what it is. He also created a Gorilla Glue and is the brainchild behind Dancing with the Stars. I figured the Japanese were first to deal with the effects of the internet issues.....they're always light years ahead of everyone else. Anyways, I too am thankful St.Louis scored.... #playgloria . Thank you for the intense chat into your mind....and the 5 questions. I know you don't need lucky this year so I won't wish you any..you got this.... I'm gonna go and use some Purell now...ewh.